The Elliad

12:37am: Don't really know the rationale behind this is, in terms of fixing her career. But I guess at this point she should just roll with her coke-chic hotel lifestyle image. Wish Lindsay seemed to have a little more ownership over her sexuality. Then I could enjoy watching this more. LiLo really needs to be loved. There should also be less overt suggestions of drug use and more lesbianism featured.


oh, fridge - that video has been taken off of youtube.

My shoulders hurt.
On my fourth day of studying-hibernation. Really need human contact, but must isolate myself even more until Friday/Saturday when I write my exams. Can hardly believe I've gotten this far in school, and still sort of feel something will happen on the day of my exams to stop me from finishing. But we'll see. If I can just pass, that's okay.

12:55am: Oh man! Great weekend!

12:52am: Winding down tha year: Hit List and Shit List of 2009 c'lebs
okay, so this is my official hotnot hitshit yesHesse 2009 celebrity list! Keep checking back because I'm going to post as i think of new ones I love and hate.

Hot/Hit/Yes List:
1. Lady Gaga - for obvious reasons.
2. Beyonce - proves she's a queen - again!!! SASHA FEIRCE I want to have your babies.
4. Rihanna - Shoulder pads, strength, etc.
3. Adam Lambert - for furthering sexy stereotypes of us gays being out of control sex perverts. We are, and we still rule!
4. Clay Aiken - not for being gay, for being crazy.
5. Brit-Brit - will always be on this list, but was pretty boring this year.
6. James Franco - for doing a stint on General Hospital.
7. Tyler Perry - for creating Medea's House, Medea Goes to Jail, "helleur", and being a part of Precious.
8. Kanye West - For speaking up when no one else wants to. Love this sucker. Stop the racist backlash now!
9. Falcon/ Balloon Boy - for puking and farting on CNN
10. Jay-Z : mostly for being supportive to the great women in his life, I didn't hear his last cd. Sorry HOVA.
11. Lil Wayne - because once that doc drops everyone will know what an insane purple drank/sizzurp addiction you really have and then they'll be even MORE impressed with Tha Carter trilogy.
12. Martha Stewart - for calling out Rachel Ray and for being an ex-con
13. Octo-mom - amazing and beautiful example for all mothers!
14. Cat Macros - the reason I don't know as much about celebrities this year.
15. Lindsay Lohan: is on both lists this year. This is difficult for me, but it's a tough love technique.
16. Joe Jackson - public perception of him really 180'ed over night! Amazing PR move, man.
17. New internet slang like FML, HBIC, IKR, STFU etc. At least they's new to me.
18. Mary from So You Think u can dance - for always screaming! cracks me up everytime
19. that french guy from the canadian SYTYCD - "V.I.D. - Very Insane Dancers!"
20. Me for buying me a great new phone.
21. Daniel Wayne Schickerowsky, for being the classic Chick-Arouser, will always be on this list, and is actually in the number one spot, because he was Gaga when the Lady was still Stefani Germanotta. I can feel it in my bones, this is going to be the year that Dan's multi-media empire takes over the world.

Not/Shit/Hesse:
1. Chris Brown - Space Jam detail and insincere apologies. But I do feel bad for you.
2. Diane Sawyer - for blaming Princess Ri-ri.
3. Balloon Boy's Dad - for Devon Sawa haircut, but he could also be bumped up to hit list for that.
4. Jay Leno - for asking Kanye what his dead mother would think of the awesome thing he did at that awards show!
5. Peaches (still love her but she's temporarily being shunned by me, it's personal)
6. Taylor Swift
7. Rachel Ray - the al qaida scarf for the k-mart commercial? I know that was years ago but I'm still reeling.
8. Lindsay - I'm worried about you! Join a gay commune (in my apartment) and stop being famous for a while. I'll teach you needle felting, etc.
9. Micheal Lohan - What a monster. I bet that movie with Charlize Theron was about him.
10. Jon Gosselin (and Kate's pretty lame too). Ed Hardy, bloating, rage, the roses.
11. Prince - over-rated.
12. Madonna - most self absorbed death/tribute speech ever. but the divorce was good.
13. Leah Miller - you will always be on this list.

I'm running out of bad people, guess I'm a really loving person. Will continue this later.

ETA: two people i can't decide whether they should be in the hot or not list are Meagan Fox and Miley Cyrus. What do you think?

3:12am: oooh baby. i'm having a big old birthday party tomorrow night! I'm really excited. Party jitters though, but how could it go wrong with such great people?

8:56am: Rage is creative.
Despite getting some truly shocking, sad news, this trip home has been so wonderful. So great to see everyone in Waterloo and my sister. Why did I not realize how home-sick I was? People here are so friendly and warm. But also looking forward to going back to Toronto with a new perspective and getting back to my nice little routine I've got going.

I've been feeling really talkative and want to say so many things! Things that are sort of not important and almost not worth vocalizing, but yet I'm still moved to say them. Such as:

1. Man, that knocked up cheerleader from Glee is hot, eh?
2. Eminem is really fucked, man. I think I still like him, though, just can't listen after dusk.
3. I'm thinking about arranging my new life and style around my new-found love for metal (the genre, not the substance, although maybe I should consider switching back and forth).
4. I thought Rihanna was sooo great in her interview!!! Diane Sawyer can suck it for acting like Ri-ri had done something wrong in getting beaten/responding to it. She's more of a villain in all of this than Chris Brown now as far as I'm concerned! Which is a shame, because I always thought she was a mega gilf, but at least now I can go back to thinking CB is a fine-ass.
5. It's weird that Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Cock and Ball Torture have the same acronyms.
6. I personally don't think that believing one has special powers is necessarily a sign of mental illness. I DO have special powers, and I'll use them to fuck you up.
7. I am constantly amazed at how really, really attractive people just LOOK like they must be thinking really smart genius shit!!! But then they turn out to be of only average (at best) intelligence and they seem like dum-dums.
8. Fuck it, I'm gonna drink a diet coke. Really healthy lifestyle beginning on Tuesday. ETA: For sure this time.

11:32pm: SCREAM!

6:12pm: Sorry friends!
Oh man, some of you dear readers and friends expressed some concern at my last post! I was totally joshing and I feel much better today. And the drugs I was referring to are not the kind to be concerned about. Sorry guys!! No swineage or anything else.

9:36pm: why do i taste candy
I might have h1n1. Although all my symptoms can be accounted for by my drug use, so don't pick out your funeral dress yet. Don't feel good! :( I have been in bed for soo many hours. An unlikely death from swine flu is SOOO not as attention-getting as being killed by coyotes while on tour. that's so rock n roll! and if i'm going to have my life cut short, i at least want to get a lot of attention for it.

12:04am: As a replacement for the mental-health-destroying Facebook, I'm on twitter!! If you are a nice friend, follow me! I'm Junktime, and twat at me (thanks Meagan). Do not follow me if you are an evil vampire! You know who you are.

3:31am: Alright, alright. The Sigerson Dossier has hit da world wide web. Go here and scroll down to check that sucka out.

My short story, Witch Rave will be appearing in the Gender and Sexuality issue of Blueprint Magazine, on stands October 22nd. This link is safe for work. My story, on the other hand, is NSFWOP (or parents).

5:34pm:

I know the Good Lord sends special things our way when we most need it to lift our spirits. This time He sent me the Balloon Boy. Praise be.

That is all.

12:55pm: There is a huge amount of insane stuff going on in my life, but I will only write a couple things.
1. I came out to my Dad, and he was SOOO sweet! 8 years in the making, and it went better than I could have possibly imagined.
2. Meagan rules.

That's all for now.

12:01am: Temporarily deleted my facebook.

If you want to get in touch with me my email is ellieanglin@rogers.com

4:55am: unbearable

9:56pm: made a fool of myself. obliterated my bod and mind. things are going really good recently, but this day sucks.

3:52pm: www.cryschoolyearbook.com


Nuit Blanche was so great. I had this amazing ass moment, walking alone over the U of T campus to get to Cry School Yearbook, drinking a tallboy and almost getting stuck in the mud. I looked amazing last night. Decked out like Flava. Something about the whole city partying for art all night long, it's what I've always dreamed of! They were selling cups of beer in the school at 4am!! Everyone was talking to everybody else because we were all at the same party! I was with this crew of Brazilian babes at one point and we lined up for a pretty long time at the AGO, only to have the security guard tell us we were too drunk, and the guys were so good-natured about it. There was this big skyscraper on yonge street (i think) with lights that were flashing different things with this ominous, apocalytic noise/music. When we were there it said ORLY? I also caught a glimpse of Jeff Koons' giant bunny. Ammmmmmaaaazing. Delicious breakfast this morning with Caroline and Dan. But today, impending darkness, so I'm going back to sleep!

8:40am: when I die I may not go to heaven....
...having Madonna enumerate the ways she is similar and different to me at my funeral might be as close as I'll get.



Oh, I love coming up with pop-culture zingers a month after they're relevant!



Just look at how deftly Gaga handles this interview about her cancelled tour, which 50 Cent called "The Gay Tour". How'd she get so cool? How unoriginal can you get, 50? And Kanye, you didn't have to cancel your tour! I'm totally on your side! You were right about Beyonce being better than Taylor and you should be free to tell it like it is whenever you have a mind to! Stop trying to whitewash my Kanye, h8rs!

On a personal note, I think I got all forgiveness prematurely. It was forced and not genuine.

3:01am: Eat my body glitter!
Just wanna say, thanks to everyone who's had my back while I go round the bend. If I couldn't bemoan my sad sac life on here and have y'all's extremely sweet comments, I'd be toast. You're all as sweet as this pygmy hippo going in for some lettuce.



Got a loan from my folks.
Have now caught up in two courses (as much as possible)
Got an extension for another course.
Bought $130 worth of accessories at Ardene tonight. I KNOW that's really not something to boast about when I can barely make rent, but it's better than buying heroin. Almost!

9:53pm: the taming of the shrew
I don't even know how I will get by. I am living so far below the poverty line I can't even see what it is! and I have so much school work... almost impossible amounts. Like even if I do everything, will I even pass at this point? This whole month has been like a nightmare. This one is that one that you have where you suddenly realise that you're enrolled in four courses that started three weeks ago and you haven't started. Maybe I'm being punished for being fundamentally a-moral.

11:35pm: keep the lighthouse inside
It's amazing how quickly you can get over stuff when you deal with it in a healthy way. I mean not everything I did was healthy (or sane) but I didn't hurt myself to hurt other people which is what I've usually done in the past to deal with loss. I lashed out, I flipped out, I went out every damn night and partied like prohibition was impending, but I tried to do the best things for myself, and now I'm feeling a heckofa lot better. Feel bad about some things I said to her, but hopefully she'll realise that I was operating at the two-year-old tantrum level and I had to see if it would work. Hopefully this feeling will last and I won't flip again, but I'll bust that bridge when I come to it.

Still miss her and want to hold and kiss her but I think she made the right decision. Ah well! I'm at home right now and I've got Ms Betty in my bed who is pretty good company too. What a little sweetie. Had a great night last night with Kamil and I as Meagan's a-typical wingmen. Really happy for my bffl and hope everything turns out as good as it seems it will!!! Will be in Waterloo until Friday. Dan's B-day tomorrow! I have so much shit to do while I'm here! School is totally fuct, but I'll get it all done somehow. I've got to squeeze some good grades outta this term if it's the last thing I do.

6:42pm: i was born to represent you
amazing night last night. Went to Foxhole with Joey. so fun. on our way home kamil and i stumbled past a park where these weird cult-ish people were communing and trying to get recruits. this huge strong man lifted us up like babies and brought us over the fence. then this blonde girl with adult braces tried to help me with my life by writing a piece of paper "I am Ellie... I love God and God loves me." I was kind of bitchy because I was beyond drunk and without my manners and thought her ideas were bullshit. Wish I'd been nicer because she was trying to help. then we ran into two jamaican guys who came back to our apartments to drink more beers and smoke ganja. one of the guys names was Alaska. that's an amazing name. he slept over at kamil's house, and i went to bed alone (thank god). i was determined to avoid hitting on people but i totally tried to get this adorable boy who was in some of my classes in waterloo to sleep over. luckily he's so nice he'll probably pretend it never happened.

this morning christy's sister and her kids came over and brought me donuts and were extremely sweet. got to hold a four month old named sarah in my hungover state, which i hope didn't scar her in any way. adorable.

Tonight Caroline and Dan are coming - YAY!

feeling really good today. light-hearted, to be exact. amazing.

8:46pm: K-W boyeez FTW!!! Greg and Joey rule!

Started school today. 4 essays due on Wednesday. Eeek!

10:23pm: things i did
i wrote a new story for the first time since last christmas. it came to me in a dream like kubla kahn. it's a tragi-com.
i submitted my zine to a german independent book thing.
made an appointment to talk to somebody in this city.
got my appetite back today!
stopped caring about lost pride or looking pathetic or pitiful in public. i just can't afford to care at this point.
still haven't started my courses, which began almost two weeks ago. must start even though hard.

10:15pm: for a minute it felt picturesque
after i hung up from what will probably be the last phone call and the agony rose up in my lungs at the exact same time as the sky turned black and wind rushed through my screen and cooled my terrible boiling skin and a load of rain lashed down suddenly and strongly. that was the first moment that felt right. it felt good to let out the howl after being stabbed in the feelings and be joined by the weather and soothed by it.

since then i've been a lot better. thanks for everyone in my life for witnessing my mental breakdown online and over the phone and in person, and not disowning me. we all gotta pull a britney once in a while. i hope i won't pull too many more before i can get back to pulling ellie's pretty regularly.

2:05am: where you don't belong
maybe it's just that i've never had anything like this happen to me before. guess i have to accept it... and spew hatred on the phone which i will likely reneg on shamefully soon. friends are coming out of the woodwork. friends i didn't even think i had. and my sister travelled five hours on the bus to help me put my ikea together. still really sad, but...